Sitting around a table with your best friends at your seventh birthday party. 

No joy can compare. Plates blanketed with junk, cups overflowing with bubbling liquid sugar. Hearts and stomachs working overtime. It is the one day of the year exclusive to you; what more could a child want? 

You sit, anxious in anticipation to play pass the parcel. You are wise enough now to know that the whole operation is corrupt; you always seem to be last. You run around for hours in the sun with your new Two Dollar Shop helicopter. You double bounce your friends on the trampoline. You laugh at nothing and everything.

Then, everyone starts leaving. 

And your heart sinks. 

As your last friend turns to wave goodbye, you are faced with a sadness you can not comprehend. 

The day is done, and your friends are gone. All you really feel like doing is crying.

I don’t blame you. I’d do the same. 

Hiking up a big hill on school camp. 

You said you were not looking forward to camp, but here now, you are stoked. Three days with your best friends. The opportunity to run, to laugh, to flirt; what more could a teenager want? 

You play octopus in the evening. The daylight wanes, and the dusk fills your lungs with new life. You dip and swerve through outstretched hands, celebrating with your friends on the other side. You pitch your tent and unlock your secret stash, ready to rise early and do it all again. 

Then, you go home. 

And that familiar feeling returns. 

You wave to your friends as you drive away, and you are faced with a sadness that you can not express. 

The weekend is over, and your friends are gone. All you really feel like doing is crying. 

I don’t blame you. I’d do the same. 

Killing time with people you love.   

You cringe at old memories, tell tales of your fresh adulthood, and laugh at nothing and everything. Evening returns, as she always does, and you find your way to a cheap meal. Their simple comforting companionship; what more could you want?

As the night goes on, you share emotions. You listen and support one another. You do what you can do to navigate the incomprehensible game of life. You feel safe; you feel loved; you feel happy. 

Then, you are in your car driving home. 

And even still. 

As the wheel drifts through your hands, you are faced with a sadness you thought you had outgrown. While you feel like the sadness might last forever, you can express it now; that helps a little. 

You still kind of feel like crying. 

But we know now.